LAS VEGAS CHURCHES

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic Churches than Casinos! Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday Services will give Casino chips rather than cash when the offering basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different Casinos, the Churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The Churches all send their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting, and then the chips are taken to the Casinos of origin and cashed in. And, of course, this is all done by – Chip Monks!

[Editor’s Note: My response to this is to tell those folks who sent this to me to: “Get Thee to a Punnery!" :-)]


LIFE IN THE 1500'S

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. – Hence, the rhyme, “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lea d poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Now, whoever said History was boring?


GOOD NEW / BAD NEWS

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's soft-ball there." Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, "Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you." Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
At midnight a few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, "Barb, Barb." "Who is it?" asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?""Barb -- it's me, Rose."

"You're not Rose. Rose just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Rose," insisted the voice. – "In Heaven," replied Rose. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," said Barb. "The good news," Rose said, "is that there's Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," said Barb. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."