WET PANTS

Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat." He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie. She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!"

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good. Remember – Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car. Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith!




Hmmmm! Think About It!

The Delta Casket Company of Knoxville, Tennessee bought a used truck, painted it and placed their name and logo on their “new” truck. Unfortunately, the paint they used was rather “thin.” Under their company name one can still read the website of the business that had previously owned this vehicle – www.publicstorage.com.

A REAL Tribute to Mothers on Mother's Day

THE BEST JOB EVER! ~ JUST A MOM?

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. “What I mean is,” explained the recorder, “'do you have a job or are you just a . . . ?” “Of course I have a job,” snapped the woman. “I'm a Mom.”

“We don't list ‘Mom’ as an occupation. Housewife' covers it,” said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, ‘Official Interrogator’ or ‘Town Registrar.’ “What is your occupation?” she probed. What made me say it I do not know. The words simply popped out. “I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.”

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

“Might I ask,” said the clerk with new interest, “just what you do in your field?” Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, “I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters).

Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) And I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it), but the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers, and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.”

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.

Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations and great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts Associate Research Assistants.

Count Down to Mother's Day #4

I OWE MY MOTHER . . .

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." (?)

THANKS, MOM!

Count Down to Mother's Day #3

I OWE MY MOTHER . . .

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15 My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents
like you do!"

"THANKS, MOM.

Countdown to Mother's Day ~ #2

I OWE MY MOTHER. . . .

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

THANKS, MOM!

Let's do a Five-Day Countdown to Mother's Day with:

I OWE MY MOTHER.............

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. -
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. -
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

THANKS, MOM.